Updated: Jul 4, 2019
When I had my second son I could not understand why people would constantly ask me when I was going to "try for another baby - a girl?".
My second son wasn't even out of diapers yet and only an 18 month gap between him and my first born.
I would usually shrug it off and laugh with the comment "If your going to pay for it".
True to form, we had our "another" baby, baby number 3, did they jinx me?
Baby number 3 arrived and to everyones shock besides mine, he was a HE.
3 baby boys under the age of 5 years old were now nestled upon MoMmy 24/7, adjusting to our new routine with 3 MoMmies boys.
The questions continued.....oh when are you going to "try for another baby, a girl?".
This time there was no entertaining the utterly insane questions and I would respond with a sturdy: "We're NOT".
What was it? What was the need to even get involved in my sexual life in the first place and assume, as if it was a given that I would continue trying for baby number 4 which could just possibly be a GIRL.
If I was even insane enough to try for a fourth with the school fees as high as they are now, our failing education system and the country on the verge of falling apart- why do I need a GIRL?!
What joy would a baby girl possibly bring me that I couldn't already get out of my these 3 little nuts running around the house?
The craziest thing is this question isn't even asked as a question, it's somewhat of a demanding statement, expecting a logical response?!
THEN IT HAPPENED TO ME - Twice
I found myself asking my best friend who had recently gotten married when she was going to have a baby? GASP! I hadn't even realized what I had done until she responded with a response that I was not anticipating....."Were having troubles conceiving".
I stared at her with a glazed look wishing I could retract my question but it was too late.
I was extremely lucky that my husband and I had no trouble falling pregnant, so I was not familiar with this topic, I was not able to offer her words of support as I could not relate.
As one would, I reassured her in the same manner that everyone does , "if its meant to be it will be and to just hang in there and not give up hope".
I got in the car and literally beat myself up. How could I have been so stupid?
Granted, I was not expecting the response I got, but who was I to meddle in her business anyway? What if she didn't want children? Why do we always feel the need to ask: "When are you having a baby"?.
The second time I put my foot in it I had bumped into a friend at the shops. She had a 3 year old little girl, my 3 little nuts in tow pilled into the trolly; I opened up my big mouth without even thinking and asked her: "Are you going to try for a boy"? REALLY! Did I just do that,again? It wasn't until she responded with: "her husband was having troubles securing a job after being retrenched, so the idea of having another baby was not at all on the cards" that I found myself wishing one of the boys would throw a tantrum or need the loo.
What had I done? I had put myself in a situation i could not bring any words of encouragement to - yet again!
WE'RE PROGRAMMED TO ASK
In the days of our grandparents and maybe parents too, they had conformed to their belief system that you finished school, met a military man, created your nest and had children.
This happened from quite a young age and I believe we are still stuck there.
Times have changed and I believe we need to change too. Gone are the days where MoM stayed at home and raised 5 kids who walked safely to school; where the kids ate what us parents ate and No meant No.
We are programmed by society to marry and have the perfect pigeon pair. Why are we still conditioned by a belief system that fell out years ago - Why have we not made the change yet?!
So what if the newly wed couple don't want any children, or if they feel they want to wait till their late 30's to have children in a financially secure environment.
The world around us has become fast paced and damn expensive! If people want to have one child why do we need to question this??
We should perhaps begin changing our approach and be more considerate before blurting out these personal questions; we don't realize how personal they can become until its to late.